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Sunday, 11 May 2008

Fallen values.

I, nor my wife, are in any way religious but as I read this article on the BBC web site about how marriage has become more of a stigma than two people living together, and the rise of same sex partnerships, I could not help agreeing with the sentiments portrayed within it.

I am second time married. The first time yielded two children but the emotional tussle.along with many other things that simply was not right, between us two adults proved too much to bare and eventually we split up. Our children are now emotionally strong adults because after the break up we both had unfettered access to them. They are both emotionally strong because even though they lived with my now ex-wife in the house we bought and was almost fully paid for. I sent money, I took both children on holidays, provided for them in every way I possibly could. I was, and still am, there for them when/if they ever need a fatherly word in the ear. Even though I left the family fold I never really gave up on my parental duties, though some would say I did that the day we split up, those people would be wrong. What I am trying to say here is that because two people no longer feel there is any love left between them does not necessarily equate to bad parenting. As long as one or the other does not simply disappear.

I know how we worked things out is not for everyone but it does show that it is still possible for two people who where once intertwined in marriage can provide for their offspring.

My second marriage is much better emotionally. We have a much stronger foundation on which to bring up our 3 children. There is no conflict between our 3 children and the two from my first marriage. My wife treats my first two children with the same deference as her own. My first two children treat our 3 as brothers, and the same reversed applies, and visit often.

The scary thing for me is that my wife and first wife on occasions sit and have a cup of tea whilst discussing my faults!

I believe in the sanctity of marriage but not necessarily in the need to be married in a church.

There are many reasons why marriage itself is on the decline. Not least of those reasons is the legislation that allows for 'civil partnerships' and the outlawing of discrimination against homosexual people. I have nothing against such things in themselves but I do feel they are amongst the root causes of marital decline. For a government to claim they think people, couples, are lacking in their parental responsibilities and then at the same time enshrining in law various things that undermine those responsibilities smells of double standards. The very people that should be showing others how it should be done instead undermining the very fabric of society with legislation against the core values that society relies on. As the church say in the article above the the lower down the chain of life we place marriage is sure to affect us all in the years to come and can, in fact, be seen today with the number in our jails and the ever increasing use of drugs and crime as a way to 'get by' in todays society.

The solution? I don't know, but then I am not paid to know. I do think, however, that until our government stops the double standards on family life and actually does something to support it at the very core then things are only going to get worse for society as a whole.

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